I’ve been feeling pretty shitty of late, there’s one thing which has consumed my life in both the best and worst ways imaginable. I won’t go into it but it’s one of those unshakeable things that takes you in its steely grip and, to put not too fine a point on it, fucks your head.

It has also made me start thinking about my life and how much I feel I’ve failed in this particular venture. I think I have so much potential in certain areas (I’m not being cocky, I know I have very little potential in other areas!) and feel that I’ve just let life pass me by.

I’ve taken to writing things, be it in my Moleskine or on my iPhone (wonderful invention) as a way of venting, but now it’s gotten to the stage where I need to share these thoughts before they boil over.

Without further ado then, I present a short poem I wrote last night:

When I look back on the things I’ve achieved
I realise they’re few, and I feel so aggrieved.
Twenty-six in three months, with nobody to hold
The bed is so empty, the sheets are so cold
Full is my heart, and warm my embrace
But love has vanished without a trace.

Thirty-two years til my pension is due
Will I live to the day? I haven’t a clue
But one thing I fear, is that if I do
I’ll still be alone, and not “one of two”

Bank statements, unopened, I cast aside
Behind a façade of contentment I hide
No money, no friends, no skills and no looks
Just a room full of Zippos and comic books

What have I acquired in 26 years
Aside from resentment, anguish and fears?
No woman, no car (I can’t even drive)
Most days I barely feel alive

They say you can laugh a girl into bed
Or charm her with song (if you can sing) instead
A stand-up, or Sinatra, I claim not to be
But I’m OK at both, and what do you see?

I don’t see myself as a Casanova
But if life is a game, I wish mine was over
I’d jump straight back in after hitting ‘Restart’
Learn from mistakes and master the art
And achieve all the things I have failed to do
But sadly, we’ve one shot at life, and not two.